My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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