hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
