i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
