I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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