omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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