I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
