she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
