pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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