I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
