This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
