he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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