my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
