I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
