just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize