I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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