you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize