Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
