break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
