and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
