I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
