So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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