Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
