Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
