Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
