I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
