Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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