6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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