I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
