Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
