you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
