Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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