Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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