in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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