Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
