just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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