Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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