Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
