I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
