Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
