All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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