Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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