that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
