I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize