Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize