if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
