He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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