I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
