I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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