I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
