Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
