Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
