Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
