i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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