i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
