I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
