Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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