I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
