honey bunches of taint.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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