as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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