So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And the cops told us we were all naked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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