Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
