Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
