My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
